Well it's been awhile. So much has happened in this past month. The weeks are flying by as I work through my last full semester of graduate school lectures. Soon enough I'll be on full-time clinical rotations, in the real world, and facing a lot of financial challenges. Which is why the timing of this journey is absolutely perfect.
This past month, I have had ups and downs when it comes to trying to decrease my spending and find pleasure in the things that I already have. In a way, I have been forced into the minimalism movement. On March 30th, I am moving out of my apartment in Connecticut with no plans to replace it. I will be in Vermont for April and some of May and then I will be living with one of my classmates and very good friends.
With this being the case, I have been selling my furniture and other belongings that don't need to travel with me on Craigslist. I've said goodbye to all my furniture except my mattress and bedside table. The income has been so nice and I've surprised myself by how easily I was able to let things go. But with the income came the thoughts of purchases. The "you just made $500, maybe you should get yourself a pair of black jeans like you've been wanting". Although, I've so far been able to resist those thoughts by walking into my closet multiple times a day and struggling to get rid of ONE thing. The real trouble that I've had is treating myself with food...
I would sell an item and think, "I finally have an excuse to get Chipotle!!!". But it didn't stop there. I would get the Chipotle, which is fine, cravings are normal. But then the weeks passed and somehow I looked at my credit card bill and horrific amounts of my spending focused on food. I would get Chipotle, then maybe a pizza, then Subway for lunch, then I forgot to pack a lunch for class so I had to get a sandwich, then I DESERVED Dunkin Donuts coffee or Starbucks when I had Starbucks coffee ground up at home. Before I even knew it, things were out of control again.
The emphasis of this journey, for me, is on growth, not guilt. I continue to be both expecting and accepting of my slip-ups. I also have been working on focusing on the things that I haven't bought. I haven't once stepped into Marshall's to buy myself a candle or an assortment of other unnecessary things. I haven't purchased an item of clothing and have been focusing on wearing more of the clothes I do own (instead of repeating my favorites). I've resisted many urges and given into few. I've had friends send me links to beautiful outfits and resisted the urge to purchase. I've unsubscribed from all advertising emails (except Victoria's Secret.. just not ready to let that one go yet). I AM TRYING.
My spending has definitely decreased but there's always room to grow. It is March 15 and the next wave of loans comes in early June. It's intimidating to think that there's still about 3 months until my next "payday" but I have $3,000 and my $2,000 deposit coming in April. This may not sound like much, but for the first time in my life, I am not stressing out about money. This is most I've had in a long time and the most I've been able to hang on to for over a months time.
It's been freeing and liberating to empty my head of constant consumerism thoughts. I challenge you to write down every consumerism thought you have for one day. One day, that's it. I promise it's enough to make you want to reflect on if your thoughts are your own or society's input from various advertising methods - word of mouth being the strongest of all. After I participated in this challenge, I almost felt sick... how could I want so many THINGS in one short period? Was I really that unsatisfied with the things that I had already? I needed to start feeling satisfied and occupying my thoughts with things that mattered in my life whether that was focusing on the content of my courses or the conversations that I was having with my peers and friends throughout the day. Clearing your mind and giving yourself space for chosen thoughts is a beautiful thing that everyone should experience in their day. I deserve it, you deserve it.
I am making it a goal to increase the frequency of my postings both to provide a source for growth reflection and to hold myself more accountable for my journey. As I end this post, I meditate on the idea that with your journey, should you decide to take one, you will celebrate your progress and focus on growth, not guilt.
With gratitude,
Cheyenne
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